![]() ![]() You’re either taking it, or you’re giving it. We usually think of delivering or receiving bad news, as if it’s something that can be passed around and handed off. The first big-picture change to make is how we think of difficult conversations. The same is true when it comes to having difficult conversations. “Delivering a difficult message is like throwing a hand grenade.” There’s no nice way to throw a hand grenade, and it’s going to do damage, even if you keep it to yourself. The problems at the heart of difficult conversations run deeper than tact, diplomacy, or positivity. When it comes to having difficult conversations, tact is good, but it’s not the answer. Some people think that there’s a tactful way to have a difficult conversation so that everything ends up fine. Our own feelings might get hurt, or a relationship might end. If we confront the issue, things might get worse.If we avoid the conversation, we risk having our feelings fester, or getting taken advantage of, or we rob the offending person of the chance to improve the situation.And there are risks no matter how you choose to proceed: Your neighbors’ dog has been barking nonstop at night, and you can’t get any sleep.ĭifficult conversations are usually conversations where we fear the consequences, whether we avoid having the conversation or we raise the issue.You want to tell your father how much you love him, but it makes you both uncomfortable.You overhear your mother-in-law criticizing your parenting style right before you go on vacation with her.You have to fire an employee at work who’s now an old friend.In short, the situations that require having difficult conversations are many and varied: But difficult conversations also include topics we feel insecure about, or issues that make us feel vulnerable, or matters that are important to us, or situations where the outcome is unknown, or instances that concern people we care about. Commonly, difficult conversations involve major categories like race, religion, sexuality, gender, or politics. ![]() Having Difficult Conversations Is a Delicate ArtĪ difficult conversation involves anything you find it difficult to talk about. race, religion, gender, or politics) or matters that reveal our personal insecurities.Īll in all, having difficult conversations may never be easy, but there are ways to make them as painless and as stress-free as possible. These issues tend to revolve around discussions of major categories (e.g. Most people avoid having difficult conversations because they fear the consequences that might arise when they bring up the issue. ĭo you avoid having difficult conversations? What topics do you find difficult to talk about? Like this article? Sign up for a free trial here. Shortform has the world's best summaries and analyses of books you should be reading. This article is an excerpt from the Shortform book guide to "Difficult Conversations" by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen. ![]()
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